How To Forgive Yourself.
So, yesterday I had a zoom consultation with a client, for privacy let’s call her Jo (I have permission to tell this story using different names) Jo came to me looking for a deep analysis of her Family and New beginnings Gua as she had a strained relationship with her son. They hadn’t spoken in over 10 years and she had never met her grandchildren.
Every day, she wakes up in such pain, thinking of her son and how she is missing out on his life and the life of his family. She had a deep longing to be the doting grandmother and loving mother that she knew she could be. During this session there were A LOT of tears from us both!
Growing up she was unable to be the mother she wanted. She feels that this was the reason her son didn’t want a relationship with her. When talking with Jo, I asked if she had forgiven herself for things that were out of her control and she replied, no. How could her son forgive her if she hadn’t forgiven herself?
That is when she had a light bulb moment and now I could really help her!
Often times when we have any kind of strained relationship, we need to look within. Although we can not change how the other person acts or feels, we can be in charge of how we act and feel.
When we expose the root of, we can begin to work on healing it. In this case, when we know we haven’t forgiven ourselves, we can not begin repairing the relationship.
So what is self forgiveness?
It is acknowledging your past mistakes and accepting them. Remember, you are just human.
It is choosing to learn from your mistakes and let them go.
Not letting the past determine the type of future you get to experience.
Not letting your past determine your worth.
It’s embracing your flaws and using them become a better version of yourself.
When we hold onto guilt and shame and negative emotions, this shows up in your body as disease and illnesses. So forgiving yourself will do wonder for your health!
How to forgive yourself.
Let your emotions flow. The only way out is through. Don’t ignore the feelings that need to come out. In order to release them we must feel them. When we suppress our emotions they come out in other ways when we get triggered. It’s ok to feel what comes up and let them go.
Acknowledge. Take accountability for the things you have done and then leave them in the past and use them to plan out what you would like to be different in the future. This would be a great time to journal. You do not have to bring past mistakes into the future.
3. Stop negative self talk. No one is perfect, you can stop beating yourself up now! If a negative thought or voice comes up, choose to ignore it or think of something else. This is where meditation can help you as we can learn how to silence the mind chatter. Start telling yourself nice things even if you don’t quite believe them. In time they will stick!
4. Write a forgiveness letter to yourself. Write it all out and then throw it away. This will start the healing journey.
5. Mirror work. Every morning when you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and just simply say ‘I love you’ or ‘I forgive you’. Seems easy but watch out for any resistance that comes up. You would be surprised at how hard my clients say this is! Get comfortable with telling yourself you love them.
Moving on to some things we can do in our home environment that can help us heal relationships.
We are going to look at the Family and New beginnings Gua. This Gua is located on the left, middle area of your home.
First we are going to declutter and clean the area (You can also smudge with sage or incense)
Then we are going to place photos of our family during happy times.
You can then begin decorating with the wood element. This includes plants, objects made with natural materials and metal elementseason. Avoid fire because fire it can fuel arguments. Also avoid decorating with single items. So if you add one plant, add another. When we are repairing relationship we don’t want any single items displayed.
Keep the color green in mind too when you are decorating.
Tip: If you are trying to heal a relationship with a family member. Place a picture of them in your dining room. The dining room is for gathering and family connection.
Remember, although you can’t force anyone to talk to you, you can learn to heal yourself so that if the time comes and you get the chance to reconnect, it is coming from a place of a healed you.
If you would like to book a Feng Shui consultation with me, you can do that HERE
